The Culture Crawl: Hungry for inspiration

This blog post has been percolating in my brain ever since the East Side Culture Crawl a week ago. This year I revisited 1000 Parker Street and the Mergatroid Building, both excellent choices if you want to catch lots of studios in a short time. Also, it turns out, excellent choices if you want to enjoy delicious mini-donuts and peppermint hot chocolate, provided by friendly vendors outside. How long have they been there? I don’t remember them from the last time I was at 1000 Parker…

Anyway, I did more than enjoy a lot of artwork. See, in the last few weeks, I’ve taken up drawing again. That’s been an on-and-off hobby of mine; I have absolutely no natural talent for it, but I enjoy taking up a pencil and doodling whatever my hand wants to doodle. And I realise I want to practice this more regularly, see where it takes me. So I think part of me was looking for inspiration at the Crawl, some clue to help me figure out what would work for me. Maybe that’s the wrong approach—I need to find my own way, especially if I’m just starting out, or I’d just be aping other people. And it’s hard to avoid comparing myself to these excellent artists—just as I do with my web development career (the thing that pays the bills) I have to balance having something to strive for and being intimidated by superior talents.

Still, it was instructive. Some artwork resonated more with me, and this may be a clue as to what my own art will become. My favourite artist this year was Arleigh Wood. I love her subject matter, mostly quiet beachscapes it seems, but it’s her signature style that I find most attractive. There’s just something about the muted colours and rich textures, contrasted with startling touches of gold leaf… It’s something to chew on, at least. I know the answers will come.

Thanksgiving in Regina

So a friend of mine invited me to the Golden Crown volleyball tournament, and it was tons of fun. I’d never been to Regina (or Saskatchewan, for that matter), and was looking forward to visiting someplace new. Before this year, I really hadn’t done much of that—but that’s changing, and gay volleyball tournaments are a great excuse to expand my horizons.

Over two weeks late, but it took me a while to get around to sorting through the hundreds of photos I took.

So a friend of mine invited me to the Golden Crown volleyball tournament, and it was tons of fun. I’d never been to Regina (or Saskatchewan, for that matter), and was looking forward to visiting someplace new. Before this year, I really hadn’t done much of that—but that’s changing, and gay volleyball tournaments are a great excuse to expand my horizons.

Regina is a lovely town, with super-friendly people and super-hot university students. I didn’t know many people there and my introvert side was acting up, which was kind of annoying, but I managed to have fun and socialise, even go out dancing at the gay club. Yes, there’s just one. It looks like it’s managed by a non-profit—probably because a for-profit club wouldn’t survive in a town this size; but according to its Facebook page that does make it the only GLBT community-owned club in Canada, which is pretty awesome. It reminds me of Club 318 (I think that was its name) in Ottawa, back in the day, except that only took place every second Friday at the Lisgar Street community centre. I wonder if that’s still going on?

I gave myself time to do the tourist thing by myself Friday afternoon and all day Monday. Everything is pretty much within walking distance, so transportation is no problem. On Friday I walked around the amazing Wascana Park, dodging all the bundled-up cyclists and joggers. Yeah, Regina is a bit chilly and overcast and hella windy—though I guess I should count my blessings, since it hadn’t actually started snowing yet. Still, the park was beautiful in its autumn finery, all soft golds and oranges. No red that I remember; I guess they don’t have maples in Regina. Which really makes you think: Canada is a big place, with many and varied ecosystems. Magpies in Calgary and Kamloops, but not Vancouver. At least 2 species of crows, in Vancouver and Ottawa. Neat. I just needed to get my feet on the ground a bit more in this big land of ours, instead of flying over it.

Two days of volleyball and partying really took it out of me, physically and emotionally, so on Monday I was happy to do the solo tourist thing again. I bade farewell to roommates (they were all driving back to Edmonton), and I set out.

My first stop was the Mosaic Stadium, home of the Roughriders, and easily visible from our hotel room. I don’t particularly care about football, but I was told I should try to get in, and take pictures from the seats—or even the field, assuming there’s no practice going on. I walked around the whole place but couldn’t find a way in, so I shrugged and went on my way.

Next was the Royal Saskatchewan Museum, located in Wascana Park (like half the city’s major landmarks, it seems). An awesome place where I learned all about Saskatchewan First Nations, geology, and wildlife both past (dinosaurs) and present. Amazingly, they had a fossilized Mosasaur skeleton, along with stuff about how Saskatchewan was mostly underwater back in the day. But I already knew that, thanks to The Oatmeal!

Megamunch the animatronic T Rex, was just the icing on the cake.

Next was the Legislature. I wasn’t sure if it’d be open for tours on a holiday, but it was! Yay! (Though the bookstore and gift shop was closed. Boo!) The handsome francophone guide took us around the foyer, to the Library with neat historical artefacts on display, the hall with Saskatchewan Order of Merit recipients, the room with portraits of past SK Premiers and even more historical artefacts and documents. And the Legislature itself, which we unfortunately were not allowed to set foot in, so we had to take pictures from the door.

And last, the MacKenzie Art Gallery. Which at first I thought was closed, but then a security guard came up and showed me the right door to use. Derp.

And then I was off to the airport! But I’m sure I’ll be back someday.

More photos here!

Hwy 1 crossing Evans Rd

Downtown Calgary

Victoria Park

Good morning

Mosasaur skeleton

Sask Legislature

Saskatchewan Legislature

Saskatchewan Legislature, from the West

Albert St

Vancouver Queer Film Festival 2013: Final Thoughts

Well, that was fun! A lot of movies seen, a lot lovely people met! The VQFF never disappoints.

Well, that was fun! A lot of movies seen, a lot lovely people met! The VQFF never disappoints. Let’s recap, shall we?

Number of films seen: 17. I’d originally planned 19, but decided to skip In-between Days and She Said Boom at the last minute.

Number of night I did not see a film: Just one: Saturday, August 17.

Length of time between the end of the festival and my last review: 20 days. Oy. In the past I’ve always been able to post reviews a day or two after each movie. This year it didn’t work out so well due to my being insanely busy right at the wrong time, and thus having little energy for blogging. To be honest that stressed me out more than it should have, and for the first time made me see writing reviews as something of a chore. That’s no good. I’ll need to plan things out better next year.

Favourite feature film: a tie between Chitrangada: The Crowning Wish and G.B.F. The former is a deep and touching tale of identity and transformation with mythological callbacks; the latter is a pants-wettingly hilarious comedy that gleefully plays with every high school and coming-out cliché in the book.

Favourite short film: Kimchi Fried Dumplings. Honourable mentions go to Bill is a Photographer and Bill Please! (also from The Coast is Queer), as well as all those amazing porn films of yesteryear.

Least favourite film: I Do. It looked good on paper, but the execution just didn’t work. On the bright side, it did convince me to go to International Village and watch In The Name Of… and Bwakaw, so that worked out all right.

Movies I would have liked to see but didn’t: R/EVOLVE, The Outs, Head of the Class and Who’s Afraid of Vagina Wolf?

Percentage of subtitled films I saw: not counting shorts, 69.23% or 9 / 13. Interesting. I didn’t even notice it until a couple days into the festival when it hit me that all the films I’d seen were subtitled, the first English-language feature film being Camp Beaverton on Wednesday. (Actually, Hors les murs / Beyond the Walls was missing subtitles for the first 10 minutes or so due to a technical snafu. I speak French so I didn’t mind too much.) It’s a nice reminder that queerness is not just a North American thing, and cultures all over the world have something to say on sexuality, gender and identity.

VQFF Review: Frauensee

I’m honestly not sure what to make of Frauensee. It was an interesting movie, well-acted, with some nicely-explored characters and gorgeous shots of the German countryside. But there was no real plot, no resolution to the personal drama or even to the one minor side plotline. It left me feeling vaguely frustrated.

I’m honestly not sure what to make of Frauensee. It was an interesting movie, well-acted, with some nicely-explored characters and gorgeous shots of the German countryside. But there was no real plot, no resolution to the personal drama or even to the one minor side plotline. It left me feeling vaguely frustrated.

Maybe I’m approaching it from the wrong perspective. My only previous exposure to German lesbian cinema is To Faro, the 2011 VQFF’s opening gala film, and it was similar in a lot of ways: big focus on atmosphere, minimal plot that left lots of room for emotional drama but without any real character growth, and a very open-ended conclusion that wasn’t so much a dénouement as just an ending, and which left a bittersweet aftertaste. So maybe this is typical of the genre?

Rosa is a warden looking over a lake in the country, setting traps and watching for poachers. Her lover Kirsten is a high-powered architect from the big city who owns and fully renovated a house by the lake, which she comes down to on the weekend to relax. Though half the time, she’s still running her business over the phone anyway. I think in her eyes Rosa is just a part of her weekend getaways: she enjoys them but has no interest in making it full-time. Kirsten does care about Rosa but doesn’t know anything about her world, and doesn’t particularly care to.

Case in point: the one side plot involves some mysterious poacher stealing fish from Rosa’s traps. If she catches him, Rosa would have every right to ban him from the lake, but Kirsten advises her to talk with him, get his side of the story, maybe find some middle ground that could keep both of them happy. Not only does this come of as really condescending, it just reflects how out of touch Kirsten is: I’m sure in the big city it’s all about compromise and you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours, but in the country, it’s not okay to steal from people and damage their property.

On the weekend’s first day, Rosa catches two young college students, Evi and Olivia, stealing from her trap (because they forgot to bring enough food) and setting camp on an island that’s a nature preserve (against Rosa’s explicit instructions). Instead of throwing the book at them, Rosa joins them and then invites them back to Kirsten’s house for dinner, then allows them to stay for a few days. Evi starts to hit on Rosa almost continually whenever she thinks they’re alone, and while Rosa is kind of annoyed, she isn’t exactly saying no either. Olivia isn’t thrilled either, though she’s learned to put up with Evi’s shameless flirting.

All of their tensions and frustrations come to a boil a couple days later during a booze- and pot-fueled party at the house, where everybody spills their guts to everybody else. Nothing actually changes, though, and I don’t know if anybody has learned anything. It was all revelations that the audience and most of the characters knew anyway, the only difference is that it’s all in the open.

The last scene shows Rosa leaving for work at dawn as usual, the three other women still sleeping. But where is Rosa really headed? Is she running away from all these new revelations? Is she finally leaving Kirsten and heading off into the sunrise of a brand new life? Or doggedly going back to work just to go through this same crap over and over?

So yes, like I said, an interesting film. It didn’t really speak to me, but I did quite enjoy it, not least because of the gorgeous shots of the lake—the huge sky, the rippling water, the surrounding woods, the wind in the reeds—and the glimpse of quiet German rural life. I’m not sure if it was the best choice for a closing gala film—the last two were definitely more upbeat—but hey: a little moodiness and introspection never hurt anybody.

VQFF Review: I Do

I Do is the first dud of the festival. It looked good on paper, and was pleasant enough to watch, but I found it preachy and uninspired, and overally very forgettable.

I Do is the first dud of the festival. It looked good on paper, and was pleasant enough to watch, but I found it preachy and uninspired, and overally very forgettable.

Ten years ago, Jack’s brother Peter was on top of the world: he’d just gotten his green card (they’re both British, having lived in the States since they were teens), and his lovely wife Mya was expecting; but later that night after a celebratory dinner he was run over by a car in full view of Jack and Mya. Since then, Jack has become a surrogate father to his niece and a quasi-husband-type-person to Mya and has focused pretty much all his emotional energies on supporting them. He used to be an avid photographer but now is employed as an assistant in a photo studio, repairing cameras and so on. He has little time for relationships, instead hooking up with fuckbuddies from time to time.

Then out of the blue, two things happen: Jack’s visa is about to run out, and due to new rules put in after 9/11 there’s no way to renew it in time. He wants to stay and help take care of Mya and Tara, but how? The only option is marriage, and that has to be to a woman. Even though same-sex marriage is legal in New York State, it is not recognised by immigration law. His sister-in-law—the first logical choice—will have no part of it, since it might lead to jail time if authorities found out the fraud. His next choice is his lesbian BFF Alison, who agrees.

Around the same time, he meets someone at a gallery showing: Mano, a suave, urbane, intellectual Spanish-American architect, and it’s love at first sight. But their budding romance is complicated by Jack’s need to maintain his straight masquerade, and his constant running off to take care of Mya.

Eventually, Alison gets spooked from repeatedly dealing with Immigrations and their questioning, and sitting home alone every night while Jack is gallivanting off with Mano, and asks for a divorce. Coincidentally, Mano has to return home to take care of his ill father. He invites Jack to move to Spain with him—they could even get married!—but Jack wants to stay in the US with Mya if he possibly can. In the end he can’t, and he accepts that he needs to live for himself instead of for Mya, so he moves to Spain to be with Mano. The end.

I think part of the problem with I Do is that it tried to shoehorn two different stories together: a political one, about gay marriage in the US; and a personal one, about Jack’s relationship with Mano and their respective family responsibilities. The rest of the problem is that neither of the stories were that engaging to begin with. The romance storyline was uninspired and by-the-numbers, and the gay-marriage storyline was clunky and preachy. I guess it tried to send a Big Message about love and how it must be respected, but it just seemed to be trying too hard.

VQFF Review: Bwakaw

Bwakaw is a gorgeous movie about loss, regret and hope, a touching reminder that it’s never too late to start living.

Bwakaw is a gorgeous movie about loss, regret and hope, a touching reminder that it’s never too late to start living.

Meet Rene, a curmudgeonly old man living in a small town not too far from Manila. A retired janitor at the local post office, he still comes in to work every day in spite of barely tolerating his coworkers because hey, it beats sitting at home by himself. In fact, his home isn’t much to look at: it’s old and kind of decrepit, filled with boxes he’s never opened, with no furniture except a table and a bed—the latter half-occupied by a supposedly-miraculous statue of Christ he inherited from his mother.

Rene’s grumpiness is at first only played for laughs, but underneath there’s deep pain: he came out very late in life, has never been in love, has never even kissed another man. Though he regrets all the missed opportunities, he now feels he’s too old for love; so he’s resigned to his lot in life, to be alone amongst a bunch of loons and idiots, and reserves all his affection for his loyal dog Bwakaw who he takes everywhere he goes.

It’s Bwakaw that causes an argument with taxi driver Sol. Sol wants to charge Rene double for the extra passenger (ie: the dog), but Rene only tells him to piss off. Their paths keep crossing, with their squabble flaring up in increasingly funny ways (Sol puts up a “No dogs” sign on his windshield? Rene responds by holding up a “No baldies” sign by the side of the road—Sol is pretty sparse on top despite being in his thirties). However, the hatchet is buried when Bwakaw falls ill and Sol drives Rene to the vet.

It turns out Bwakaw has very advanced cancer; Rene never suspected since he hardly ever touched her and she never complained. At this point there’s nothing for the devastated Rene to do except give Bwakaw regular painkillers and make her as comfortable as possible until the end.

Oddly, in every other way this seems to be a time of positive change for Rene. He loosens up quite a bit; reconciles with his only gay friend (a very fey hairdresser) and even agrees to colour his hair brown to cover the grey, which looks great; Sol sticks around to help repaint the house and do other odd jobs. The two chat late into the night, and Rene discovers he has feelings for him. While Sol is sleeping, Rene tenderly starts stroking his face, and plants a couple of light kisses on his lips. But then Rene wakes up and… doesn’t take it well. Rene is left alone. Again.

Bwakaw dies soon after, but for Rene this isn’t the end. He unpacks all his boxes, bringing out flowerpots, drapes, rugs, all sorts of lovely knickknacks, and his house becomes what it should have been all along: a colourful, inviting, well-lit home. And then he leaves for a walk, taking only a walking stick. He should look lonely without Bwakaw, but there’s a certain spring in his step, and he looks free: free to explore, free to hope that there’s more to life than regret and waiting to die.

The very last scene has Rene on the road, walking along, and a taxi passes by. I think it’s meant to be Sol’s taxi; if it is, Rene pays it no mind. He’s fucked up with Sol, and that can’t be undone. But that’s life; you fuck up every once in a while, and then you move on. That’s Bwakaw‘s message, and it’s an uplifting one. No matter what your situation, no matter what you’ve done or left undone, it’s never to late to start fresh.

VQFF Review: W Imie / In The Name Of…

This is a tragic and disturbing tale of faith, shame, secrets and one man’s quest for love.

This is a tragic and disturbing tale of faith, shame, secrets and one man’s quest for love.

Adam is a Catholic priest who cares deeply about his flock. As the movie opens he is assigned to a boys’ school in the Polish coutryside—mind you, the “boys” are actually in their late teens, and looking back I’m not sure it’s really a school. They seem to spend a lot of their time digging ditches, moving heavy equipment around and other manual labour. From the dialog I think this lot seems to have come from a very harsh reform school, and the bad ones are threatened with being shipped back there.

In one scene the school director’s wife point-blank asks Adam how he could get transfered from Krakow to a nowhere shithole like this, and he calmly replies that priests do get moved around, and he goes wherever the Church chooses to send him. But in fact, he had been having sexual relations with a boy under his charge (around the same age as the boys in this place, so he was probably of legal age) and the church authorities had to move him.

Adam finds himself attracted to new student Lukasz, a very troubled boy who apparently was a bit of a pyromaniac. What complicates things is that the attraction is mutual, though for a long time the two don’t go beyond hugs and lingering looks. They do bond emotionally, though; in one awesome scene, the two of them are walking back from the lake where Adam had been teaching Lukasz how to swim, and Lukasz runs off into a nearby cornfield to play hide and seek. Instead of leaving him or acting like a stern authority figure, Adam decides to meet him on his terms and play for a while, even echoing Lukasz’ weird apelike howls.

But this delicate situation can’t last: the school director sees Adam and Lukasz parked together by the side of the road—in broad daylight, and nothing really happened, but it looks wrong enough that he reports it to the local bishop. In what is easily the creepiest scene in the movie, the bishop assures him that no, he didn’t really see anything wrong. Yes, he was right to report it, but now there’s no need to make a big deal out of it. The poor guy was asked to lie to himself to help the Church save face.

And so Adam is transferred again, his record tainted even further. Lukasz torches the local convenience store, where some local assholes used to bully him. When we catch up with them it’s at least several months later, possibly a year or two. Lukasz got his life together and is working construction not too far from the old school. He hears that Adam is living close by, and he immediately leaves work to find with him. Poor Adam has sunk even further into drink and depression, living by himself in a dingy hovel—possibly still in the priesthood, though I’m not sure. In one of the movie’s few bright spots, they kiss (awkwardly) and go on to share a tender night.

This movie could be seen as a critique of the Catholic Church. And yes, that’s part of it; but the Church authorities don’t exist in a vacuum. Do the problems start with bishops’ top-down authoritarianism, expecting not only obedience, but complete faith in their right to dictate reality? Or with lonely priests doing a mostly thankless job, held to impossibly high standards but with no real emotional support? Or with lay people’s acceptance of their doctrine? Or with these boys’ ignorance and casually homophobic bullying of each other? Under the veneer of rituals and traditions, of hymns and incense and lovely golden crosses, the roots of Catholicism are at best flawed, and at worst downright poisonous.

It’s an ugly picture all around, and we’re given no easy answers. Except maybe that, in this messed-up world, you should follow your heart and find what joy you can. Save yourself first, then worry about saving others.

VQFF Review: The Coast is Queer

I always look forward to The Coast is Queer, the VQFF’s showcase of local filmmakers. I was particularly impressed this year, though. I expected quality, but some of the offerings floored me.

I always look forward to The Coast is Queer, the VQFF’s showcase of local filmmakers. I was particularly impressed this year, though. I expected quality, but some of the offerings floored me.

Chainsaw Ballet

A funny and random little piece, with two girls in woodcutter plaid singing a pseudo-folk song while three husky bears dance with chainsaws.

Playing It Safe

This odd little short features a woman with a cardboard box around her head, meeting and falling for a woman who persuades her to take the box off. What’s interesting is that she was doodling on the SkyTrain, expressing herself artistically while still remaining anonymous. A metaphor for the internet, maybe? Cute and sweet, anyway.

Bill is a Photographer

I’ll be honest, this is not what I expected from Clark Nikolai. It’s much more serious and reflective, taking a step back to look at the craft of photography and filmmaking. It features a Vancouver photographer (Bill) who specialises in plant close-ups and studio photography. He talks about studying the lighting techniques used 70’s gay porn mags, and about creating his own porn featuring older bear guys. This film was tied to win The Coast is Queer Award.

The Bonus

In this fast-pace and hilarious piece by David C Jones, an employee in some nameless corporation accidentally locks himself out of the utility room where he was planning a date with his boyfriend. The other problem? He’s wearing assless chaps, and so has to dodge around his weekend-working boss, nabbing her set of keys and putting them back without being seen.

A Little Elbow Room

This is one thing I love about The Coast is Queer: how filmmakers turn their lens on the local community. Here we’re looking at The Elbow Room, run by the flamboyantly bitchy Patrick Savoie for decades. In between shots of Patrick abusing his customers (with love), he and his partner reminisce about the Elbow Room’s history, and their history together.

June

A creepy short film about a ghost haunting his widowed partner’s piano. I don’t know who’s in more pain here: the partner, still grieving; or the ghost trying vainly to play music.

Kimchi Fried Dumplings

A beautifully made and gripping slice-of-life family drama. There’s conflict, love, family responsibilities, hitting on hot firemen. Loads of characters but they’re all three-dimensional and given screen time to develop. Kudos to Jason Karman! This was my favourite short of the night.

Says Who?

An intriguing story of a young blind gay guy and and older straight guy awkwardly bonding. It turned out to be all in the mind of an artist who had seen them together on the bus and dreamed up the whole scenario.

Driving to You

A very short but shocking film of a homophobic mother and daughter getting in a car accident and the daughter being seriously injured, forcing her to reconcile with her daughter’s partner. Sort of.

Bill, Please!

How do you decide who pays the bill after a meal? Well, you could discuss it like grownups… or you could have an awesome martial arts fight with ninja and zombie minions! This film won Jessica Han the The Coast is Queer Award (tied with Clark Nikolai), the OUTtv Hot Pink Shorts Award, and the Gerry Brunet Memorial Award. Well done!

Tap Tap Tap

It’s still as fun the second time around!

VQFF Review: G.B.F.

G.B.F. is smart and hilarious fluff, gleefully playing with every gay and high school cliché out there, and then some. Three flavours of Alpha Bitch (four if you count Soledad)? All yours. Pop culture shoutouts left and right? You got it. Sexually repressed and/or closeted Mormons? That’s a check. It does get a little bit too earnest at times, when pleading for the end of labels and how we’re all human and blah blah blah; but aside from that the laughs never stop.

G.B.F. is smart and hilarious fluff, gleefully playing with every gay and high school cliché out there, and then some. Three flavours of Alpha Bitch (four if you count Soledad)? All yours. Pop culture shoutouts left and right? You got it. Sexually repressed and/or closeted Mormons? That’s a check. It does get a little bit too earnest at times, when pleading for the end of labels and how we’re all human and blah blah blah; but aside from that the laughs never stop.

Shy nerd Tanner is always first in line to get all the latest gadgets, but has no intention of being the first kid to come out at his high school. But then his rather more flamboyant friend Brent learns about the latest hot accessory: the Gay Best Friend, which no cool girl should be without! One thing leads to another, as they do in comedies like this, and Brent’s plan to leap out of the closet and be the most in-demand G.B.F. ever backfires spectacularly with Tanner getting outed to the whole school.

It’s rough at first being the only out gay kid in school: not only do jocks want to beat him up, but the Gay-Straight Alliance’s obnoxious president wants him to join her group and give her life meaning. But when the school’s three head girls start hanging out with him and protecting him from the jocks, Tanner realises it’s not so bad.

You know how the rest goes, right? Popularity—not to mention the promise of a hot British date for prom—starts getting to Tanner’s head and he forgets his old friends, Brent is bitter and lonely and forced to watch Brokeback Mountain with his aggressively gay-friendly mom (and may I say that Megan Mullally is as awesome as ever), the head bitches and their allies square off for a massive war centered on the prom, Brent plots to ruin Tanner’s evening by dumping glitter on him, Carrie-style, but of course he decides against it at the last second and the two reconcile.

I absolutely loved this film. It’s hilarious, excellently paced, nicely acted (again, props to Megan Mullally), and did I mention hilarious? Absolutely everything is played for laughs, even things that really shouldn’t be (high school closets, the need for GSAs) and you know what? That’s exactly what I needed. As much as I love the dramas and documentaries, this movie was a breath of fresh, sassy air.

VQFF Review: Chitrangada: The Crowning Wish

This film, inspired by Nobel Prize-winner Rabindranath Tagore’s 1892 play Chitrangada, is a quiet and moving meditation on gender, identity and transformation. The late Rituparno Ghosh directs and acts with an understated but confident intensity, creating an incredibly compelling tale.

This film, inspired by Nobel Prize-winner Rabindranath Tagore’s 1892 play Chitrangada, is a quiet and moving meditation on gender, identity and transformation. The late Rituparno Ghosh directs and acts with an understated but confident intensity, creating an incredibly compelling tale.

Director Rudra Chatterjee (played by Ghosh) is putting together a production of Chitrangada. In the play (itelf inspired from a tale in the Mahabharata), princess Chitrangada is the heir to the kingdom of Manipura, raised as a man and a warrior due to a prophecy that her father would only raise sons. She meets the great hero Arjuna and falls in love with him. But, feeling he could not love her as she is, she asks the God of Love to transform her into a beautiful feminine woman. He does so, and Arjuna falls in love with her. However, Chitrangada is unhappy since in this new form she is failing as her kingdom’s protector, and moreover she wishes Arjuna to know her real self. So she reveals the truth to Arjuna; he loves her even more as an equal, they marry and have a son who eventually reigns over Manipura.

Early in the production, Rudra falls for his troupe’s new drummer Partho, an unpredictable heroin addict who takes pleasure in taking Rudra’s ego down a peg. I cringed a lot during their early interactions, because Partho was kind of a jerkass and I couldn’t see why the sophisticated, dignified Rudra would have anything to do with him. True, he was trying (eventually, successfully) to get clean, but still.

Eventually, they talk about having children. Partho wants them, and Rudra wants to be with Partho, so he proposes becoming a woman. Same-sex couples can’t adopt in India, so this seems like the logical choice. Partho doesn’t think so, but Rudra is determined. He moves out of his parents’ place, to spare them the shame, and is fast-tracked through the gender reassignment process.

But things don’t go well. Rudra and Partho break up, and Rudra’s mood worsens. He starts suffering from insomnia, and due to the surgery has trouble practicing his old dance moves. It doesn’t escape his notice that his life is paralleling Chitrangada’s story, with the surgeon standing in for the God of Love, and Partho for Arjuna. And himself as the aristocratic warrior who chose to become someone else, out of love.

At the very last minute, with the help of his counselor, Rudra decides not to go through with the final surgery (genital reconstruction?) and asks the doctor to reverse the whole process. He would rather be a passionate, creative director and dancer, reconciled with his parents, than a beautiful woman with unknown gifts and without a family.

The story was told in a somewhat non-linear format, with generous use of flashbacks to switch between the present time (Rudra alone in the hospital) and the past (Rudra with Partho) not to mention short snippets of the Chitrangada play-within-a-movie. I admit, it made some parts of the story a little hard to follow—especially the scenes with the mysterious photographer posing as a hospital counselor. He was the one who made Rudra reconsider his choices, but I don’t remember when and how they first met. I’m sure a lot of the symbolism—the house on the beach, for one—went over my head, and that’s not even counting any additional references to Chitrangada which I only know from its Wikipedia entry. This is a movie with layers, and I’ll want to watch it again for a fuller understanding.

If I were to pick a message for this movie, what would it be? What I’m getting is that changing yourself (in whatever capacity, up to and including surgery) can be a great thing, but it has to be for the right reasons, and you must remain true to your dreams and your passions. In the end, maybe the best thing you can wish for is to be yourself, to be the best self you can be, and that is the only way to happiness. Trite and clichéd? Maybe, but it works for me. And it’s something I need to be reminded of every once in a while, though my dreams of transformation involve superhero tights rather than princess dresses.